Motivation?

You know, I was in the shower thinking about what I was going to write in this.  And now it's completely left me.  All the words I had planned out!  Man don't you just hate that.

But the reason why I chose this particular topic is because I have none, I've lost my excitement for life, I've lost my energy, my need to just be apart of the bigger picture.  And I'm not sure why this is.  Maybe I'm just stuck, or maybe it's because people bury me in the dirt whenever I tell them what I plan on doing.  Such as...  my father.  I told him I was planning on joining the Navy, after MEPS, and he tells me oh?  Really?  As if he expects less from me.  And then I get i trouble for asking my aunt about some information I needed to know.  What else am I supposed to do, my step mom, grandma, and dad aren't picking up the phone.

In the beginning I get so excited about something, about everything.  And then I start to talk to people about it like my mom, and the subject begins to fade and I'm no longer excited about it.  Or at least you can't see the excitement on the outside.

I'm not like my cousins, I did horrible in School, in my personal life.  And so I learn when being questioned about anything just shut down.  Take everything in, but don't answer.  Kind of just disappear in the wood workings or whatever it's called.

So I need to find motivation.  And maybe that comes with getting a job.  Which lets just say not alot of people are hiring right now!

I don't know but either way I have to get up and start getting motivated!  This week will be busy of just doing that.  Motivation!