A Second Chance To Say Good Bye

"It's a long way to Louisiana, isn't it Nana?" I said as I looked down from the clouds.

"Oh, baby doll, isn't it just? It's a long way from Hawaii too."

"I can't see it from here, where is it Nana? Where's home?"

"We're standing in it baby."

I looked around. There were no longer angels flying and the golden gates were gone. Above me was a roof, no longer the stars. The couch was old and shaped like the letter L. The furnace was lit and the dining room table set with the crystal china.

"I can remember holding you while your Mama got ready. You were always getting your hands into something."

The clink of crystal could be heard over her words. Our family was gathered around the table, our hands joined in prayer. I just had my first birthday, and wanted some of that corn.

"I still am, Nana."

"Not as much as you used to baby. You got that pretty little face of yours buried in a book, just like your mama. Not saying that's a bad thing. But you need to look around, you need to notice things while you can, because when you don't… You'll regret what you didn't see."

"Life isn't all about noticing Nana. But feeling as well. It's about the promises we make and the promises we keep. It's about my family and the promise I intend to keep."

Her smile was gone. Replacing it was a stern look that could stop you where you stand. "You don't think I know that Kassandra! I went into the cotton fields everyday with my brothers and sister. Picking so much cotton our hands grew stiff, and when we were finished we'd drag the filled sacks behind us and head home. Don't tell me about the promises and sacrifices we make for our family."

"Ok Nana, don't get your panties in a twist." I laughed. "I don't know what to do anymore Nana. It's not as easy as it once was. It's harder to bring up memories, to remember what it was like to be at home. I no longer have those feelings for home."

"Oh baby doll, nobody ever knows what to do. They just do what they think is right. What they need to think is right. All you have to do is close your eyes and I'll be there with all of your other memories. As for home, and what you need to believe is your home, your feelings will be the same no matter what the time period and where you are." Her smile whispered across her face, reaching her eyes. "Baby doll, you have a gift and a talent. Not a lot of people can say they have both. You have the gift of family and the talent for writing. Use them both wisely, for each is a blessing. Don't hide them from yourself, or the world. Most of all be proud of who you are and what you come from. I know I'm proud of you."

Tears started falling, as the child behind me starts to fall asleep in her booster seat. As nana hugs and comforts me, another carries a sleeping child and tucks her into bed.

"I miss you Nana, don't leave me again, please," I sob. "I need you."

"Baby I've always been here for you. You just haven't noticed. I have to go. But before I do I need to take you somewhere first."

"Where Nana?"

"Here." We stood at her gravesite, surrounded by her friends and family as they lowered her Urn to the ground, with the things most important to her. I looked around and saw me, unaffected by death, smiling at my little cousin who would be one in a week.

"Isn't it enough? I had to say good bye once. Why do I have to say good ye again?"

"Because everyone has to say good bye a countless number of times. But I really have to go now baby doll. Go back to sleep, okay? I love you and I'll always be with you. Tell the family I said hello." She began to disappear, to fade away from my life once again from my life.

"I love you too Nana, I always will."

"Don't forget to just be you Kassandra. Don't forget to show your talent, your gift. Don't forget to be yourself." She was gone completely. And the family was staring to leave the grave site.

With a kiss, I watched myself, hug my mother, comfort her. I watched myself take away her worries, her tears. I watched myself be the person I wanted to be.
"I all ready am." I whispered to both young and old. A question that had been swarming around in my mind for the past few days had been answered. "I all ready am the person I want to be."


I woke up to tears running down my cheeks; a white rose in one hand; a photograph of her in another.

I woke up from a dream I wish never ended.

I woke up knowing I had a second chance to say good bye, a second chance to tell her I loved her. I woke up knowing I was loved.