Rants.

So today I've been incredibly lazy, and I hate it. But I can't seem to stop.

I've gotten into this routine where its basically sit on my butt and watch TV, and that's partly my fault. But it's also having to watch the baby for practically a month, day and night. So there wasn't much I could do.

And Now when I can do something with my life, I don't because of just that fact, because I'm lazy.

I know that in order to get myself really going I need to do something drastic. And I've thought and thought about it, about what I want to do. And I know that by joining the military it's just that change that I need. But I've heard so many things about it. And not all of it is good.

I know that if I don't do this, I'll get a dead end job like everyone else and I'll struggle to make ends meet and instead of GETTING AHEAD I'll end up TRYING to get ahead. And I don't want that. I don't want that for me or for my family. I know that if I do do this, I can help my family. I can send some money for my grandma. I can make sure Rayahni has money put away for school. I can send money to my Uncle Todd to help pay for his treatments. I can make sure my mom doesn't go into debt anymore, and that Kai has everything she needs when she needs it. Maybe not all at once but it could happen.

I don't want to struggle. That's whats important to me. And I know that I will if I don't do this. I've seen all of my family struggle, and that'll not be me! It will not.